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Sunday, June 05, 2005

my roommate went back today.. boo hoo.. so sad.. i'm all alone in the room now.. gonna spend 1 whole week alone.. no one to entertain me.. was reading ber's blog.. she wrote tt her grandpa passed away.. suddenly got reminded abt my own grandpa's death 2 yrs ago.. still can remember vividly the moment when i went back just to visit him when he was in the hospital, not knowing tt it would be the last time tt i saw him.. so frail, lying on the bed of the hospital with all the medical equipment around him.. i was at least thankful tt he still could recognise me when i went and talk to him.. it's something tt i'm grateful for because he got more than 50 grandchildren and i doubt he can remember all.. miss him so much now.. those smiles on his face when we visit.. he used to fetch me behind his motorcycle around the place where he lived.. and how i used to play around with his cocoa seeds.. miss all those family gathering where we used to bbq, cook steamboat, play firecrackers during chinese new year.. really feel tt i lost that part of my life... haven't been back to grandpa's house for so long... haven't really been back since he passed away.. the last time was most prob cny when we only stopped by for 10 to 15 mins only.. sigh.. i dun feel like part of the family at all.. all those aunts, uncles, cousins.. they dun treat us as part of the family.. just last week, they went to cameron highlands without even inviting us... it was supposed to be a family gathering.. wth.. all those ungrateful ppl... didn't even thank dad for all he had done, all those sacrifices and stress he went through to help whenever anyone face any problems... sometimes i wonder, who will help us when any of my family member face any trouble? they will most likely say, "oh, we can't help.. we have our own set of problems.." grandpa must be feeling sad if he knows that the relationship between his children are so bad now.. the crux of the problem is still money.. is money really more impt than family ties? looks like it is true in the case of Liaw family. wat a disapointment.. miss grandpa so much... i think he;s such a great person.. someone who show so much care for grandma... so sad to see him cry when grandma left... he must have felt so empty without grandma in his last 2 years of his life.. having lived for 79 years, coming from china when he was young... i regret for not knowing him better... not talking to him often.. he could have taught me so much more things, could've known more interesting things bout him.. sigh.. i don't have the chance anymore.. why didn't realise all these earlier? how stupid... my life is full of regrets..

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